Subvictims

The Reverend Jesse Jackson, in speaking to the University of Chicago's Gleacher Center, invoked the name of Gov to help the downtrodden victims of the latest self-caused crisis: The subprime mortgage collapse.

These innocent, credit-impaired homeowners, were duped into signing multi-page contracts which no average person could possibly fathom. Bordering on criminal negligence, industry specific terms are used to confuse the reader and lull them into a state of submissiveness. Terms like "adjustable rate" appear casually strewn throughout the documents, until they become as meaningless as "delinquency".

The numbers are grim. Last month alone there were more than 130,000 foreclosures, a pace which could have all of America homeless in less than 120 years. "What we must do now is begin to ask for some bailout of victims of this crisis," pleaded Rev. Jackson. "We must come together and engage in mass protests and make this an issue in the presidential debates." While acknowledging that some may be reluctant to ask for help in overcoming their negligence, Jackson scowled, "They either protest publicly and collectively, or they die silently in the dark."

The good Reverend was also asked what his bailout plans would include to solve this crisis. After an awkwardly placed moment of silence for the victims, sidekick John Taylor chimed in, "What that would consist of is the federal government stepping in and declaring a moratorium on these foreclosures. Second, working with the Federal Housing Administration to work with the lending community, Wall Street in particular, to not foreclose but to restructure the loans into the terms and conditions people were getting in the first place."

I'm sorry to disagree with John, but setting people up with the same contracts they signed in the first place is only going to prolong the problem. The only solution at this point is to annul all contracts and obligations, and simply leave these people alone. I think they've suffered enough.